Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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