every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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