Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my being single is dangerous.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
