Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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