if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So squirting runs in the family.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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