I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
