Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
