I could have mohawked her pubes.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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