Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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