I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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