You made me cry and you don't even care
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
