alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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