I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
