I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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