omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
