3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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