a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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