I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
