Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
