well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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