so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
