No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
