my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
is that a dick in a sweater?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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