If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I would ride that face into the sunset
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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