Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
