He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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