i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize