The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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