I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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