oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
