walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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