i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize