You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
