All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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