Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
well you can't waste a boner
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
