Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i think my cat just said my name.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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