Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Mom said you looked used
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
