remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize