take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
