my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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