Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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