Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
