I'm so fucking centered right now
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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