I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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