I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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