I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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