I just pynch a tree in the face
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think I sprained my soul last night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
