i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
