there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
