When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize