it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
