I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
