I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you traded sex for a burrito?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
