"it" just moved
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
