my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
