you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
