I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
