It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
