omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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