This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
