Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
