First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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