I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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