I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
