I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
