I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
