just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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