I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
