Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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