operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
