I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
