thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize