I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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