oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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